“I don’t know what else to do…” My husband of six year’s voice was filled with love, but firmness, “I think we need to get a divorce.”
The words stung as they hit my ears. But I didn’t need to ask why. I knew we had a lot of problems. Or rather… I did. After some calm down time and some discussion there was one thing that we both had in common: We were tired of me being unhappy. I blamed it on all sorts of things: the stress of pregnancy complications, the pressure of being a stay at home mom of three (soon to be four) kids under the age of six, the isolation of being a one-car family, my husband’s busy schedule, the messiness of our home, the location of our home, our finances, etc. He blamed himself. “I can never be who you need me to be.” But it was none of those things. It wasn’t a new problem. It was something I had struggled with my entire life and I had allowed it to take hold and attempt to destroy not only my life, but the lives of my husband, my kids, and even my extended family and friends. That was the day I decided enough was enough and one way or another, I would take back my life from the monster known as anxiety and depression. I would reclaim my smile.
In the next few blog posts I would like to share my story of how I got to where I am. I would then like to start blogging weekly if not daily to share my exactly struggles and the steps I take to overcome them. I’m not sure who I am sharing it with. Right now it is just with myself. It is a just a way of getting my thoughts on paper so to speak and to solidify to myself that I have the power to change. That I and my family are worth fighting for and that IT IS POSSIBLE. Right now I have no intention of anyone, even my family, knowing that I have started this blog much less reading it. Maybe someday I will feel differently. I hope someday in the far distant future that I will be able to take this time in my life to encourage others that IF I CAN DO IT, YOU CAN TOO. But that day isn’t today. Today this is for me. And that’s enough. And I alone am worth writing for.